when things don't go the way i thought they would...

“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.”
+ Isaiah 55:8-9

Song of the Week!

If you're feeling burdened by the weight of the world, if you're feeling tired and worn, there's Someone who can give you rest.

Sunday Tidbits

"Credo ut intellegam".

I believe in order that I may understand.

The fact is, I don't know everything about God. I can't fully comprehend how He works, why this happens, why that doesn't happen... my mere mind fails to wrap itself around everything there is about God.

1 Corinthians 2:9 reminds me that... '"What no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no human mind has conceived" -- the things God has prepared for those who love him--'

God exists outside the limitations of my brain.

But that's faith.

"Credo ut intellegam". It's Latin for "I believe in order that I may understand."

I believe in order that I may understand _____.

I believe in order that I may understand 
Science. 
People. 
Justice. 
Morality. 
Nature. 
The mind. 

I believe in order that I may understand Love.

Song of the Week!

I am part of the impossible.

Song(s) of the Week: The Royal Royal

Check out the latest album from The Royal Royal!
http://www.relevantmagazine.com/the-drop/return-king

let freedom ring

I was born on the 4th of July, a day when America’s independence is celebrated with the smell of barbecue wafting from neighborhood to neighborhood, and the booms of fireworks echo across the night sky.  Your next-door-neighbor swears that he’s merely experimenting with his new “George Foreman Grill” (even if it looks like he’s just about to burn the steaks), and the radio is full of party-worthy songs like Katy Perry’s “Fireworks” or Bruce Springsteen’s “Born in the U.S.A.”

As a child, I was always taught that the 4th of July commemorated the declaration of America’s freedom from the tyrannical ruling of England. However, as I grew older, I started to question and try to understand what ‘freedom’ really meant to me. I started wondering what all this talk about independence and fighting for freedom was about.  Sure, 8th grade Social Studies class taught me about the Redcoats and Paul Revere.  And my AP European History class taught me that the Founding Fathers had been influenced by the French Enlightenment ideals of “liberty, equality, and brotherhood”.

But I wanted to learn more, not just on a historical level, but on a personal level.

What was it about the idea of ‘freedom’ that attracts minds and captures hearts?

My faith in Christ transformed my concept of freedom.

Freedom in Christ means I follow God, not a rulebook or a check-list of deeds I need to do. Dogmatic constrictions do not box me into a prison. Nor do I believe that spirituality should be watered down to a list of vices to avoid. If good works earned salvation, then I would fail because no matter how hard I try to be good, I will never be perfect. This is where God comes in and gives me a grace that covers the multitude of my sins and a grace that changes my heart to live for Him and not for me. Some of you may ask, “So does this mean I can do whatever I want?” Nope. It’s more like, “I want to do what God wants me to do.” Why? Because God loves me. Let’s remember that freedom without guidelines is not true freedom. God gave us His Word to teach us how to live freely “by the Spirit” and not on our own accord (Galatians 5:25).

I was once a slave. A slave to sin, the evil desires of my heart, the worldly ambitions and greed that can entangle the mind so easily. When I was young, I wanted to be a princess or an actress; in other words, I wanted to be rich and famous. When I was young, jealousy of others sparked a vengeful fire. And as a teenager, I felt trapped; I would always work so hard at school, staying up late to finish that AP Literature essay on Wuthering Heights, or cramming Calculus problems during lunch. No matter how much effort I put in, sometimes I did not get the result I wanted. Grades consumed me. A money-making career was my sole pursuit. I was once a slave to worldly desires. I was once a slave to my self-deprecation and selfishness.

However, life radically changed when Jesus pulled me out from the depths of the darkest pockets of my soul and freed me. Freedom from death. Freedom from my very self. Freedom to live not for myself, but for Jesus. Freedom to look at fellow mankind, recognize our shared humanity, and love. The day before I returned to Brown from winter break, I was baptized. In baptism, going down into the water symbolizes how Jesus died for me because of my sins. I recognize that I was once a slave to sin… but then I rise up from the water, symbolizing how Christ rose up from the dead and conquered death for us so that we may have new life (and eternal life!) in Him. In the Book of Romans, the apostle Paul writes, “We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.” My baptism did not save me; it is just a proclamation of my faith.  In fact, nothing I do can save me.  No matter how good I try to be, I will always fall short… It is by God’s grace that Jesus Christ rescued me and freed me.

My faith journey is ongoing. Being a child of God does not mean I will lead a perfect life. I still sin and annoy my brothers and ask forgiveness. But it means I am secure in His love. In a world full of death and suffering and pain, in a world full of human slavery and condemnation and oppression, how unfailing is the love of Christ. How perfect is the salvation by Christ. How beautiful is the freedom in Christ.

The Sole of My Soul (IV)

IV. Evening

In the evening

I walk on three legs -

Daily I take up my cane

Old,

Wrinkled hands worn by the weathering

Trials and hurricanes and storms life renders

Sinking deep into the oceans

My feet fail

But my God does not.

Night looms ahead

Yet I am neither afraid

Nor regretful of my years on earth

For when I cried out to

God He answered me

Shackles of bondage

Of my own selfishness -

A slave of the desires of a world imprisoned -

You freed me.

Your image imprinted on

The sole of my soul.

I have grown

In grace and in wisdom

What is this, this stirring in my feet

heart

so(u)le?

I no longer want to live for myself

To chase after the things of this world

Money, jobs, fame, validation from others -

Temporary are they.

Bidding the ephemeral farewell

I arrive at the doorstep of the eternal.

I no longer ask myself where do I go next

But ask God

Where will you take me?

Where you go

I will

Come,

Follow me.

Come dwell in my house forever.

The indigo veil lifts revealing

A golden light of peace.

I rest my head on his shoulders.

My God is carrying me home.

The Sole of My Soul (III)

III. Late Afternoon

By the trekking of mountains

Of school and work and jobs and

Life in general

I am led,

I lead,

But I know not where to.

On my own

I prefer it this way

I don’t need anyone to carry me now

I don’t need anyone to pioneer my own path for me

This is better, this is better, this is better...

Am I like the algae floating

Wandering ceaselessly in the open ocean

Tossed by waves

No sure footing

Where is the lighthouse when I need it?

Oh, how the fog from the morning creeps up

Suspended still.

I make many mistakes:

Liar, thief, hypocrite, cheat

Hollow as a cavern empty and

Chilled to the bone

A heart frozen by envy and greed.

Countless the list of wrong turns

Too endless to recount…

Come

My feet

How they swerve one way the other

What path do I take?

Where can I go from here?

No matter how much I try

To be good I fail.

Am I sick?

Eyes droop with sorrow

Back burdened by temptations;

Wolves dressed as sheep

Lie hidden waiting to ensnare

Oh where can I go from here?

To whom can I run?

Come

Knees fall to the ground

Feet fail

I need

help

God!

I AM

God!

I AM

God!

I AM

Listen, my child

And take that step